


Monster

by house_of_lantis



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: American Idol Tour AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:16:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/house_of_lantis/pseuds/house_of_lantis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Even a monster can fall in love... </p>
<p>Just close your eyes and try to think it over<br/>You realize I'm not the man you know, boy<br/>I hypnotize ya, I paralyze ya<br/>Go on and scream 'cause nobody's gonna find ya</p>
<p>         -- Kris Allen, "Monster"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Language, sex, some gore, murder, psychopathic behavior.
> 
> Author’s Note: Gets a little dark in places; characters acting out of character; set during part of the US part of the 2009 American Idol Tour.

 

Kris always knew Adam was… _different_.

 

No, not because he was gay or because he liked wearing make up or because he had supernatural vocals and stage presence – Kris knew those things didn’t really matter because… _because_ those were the things that made Adam _normal_.

 

No, Adam Lambert was different because Kris knew Adam’s true secret: Adam Lambert was a serial killer.

 

***

 

**The Idol Mansion**

 

“Hey, roomie.” Kris walked into the bedroom that he shared with Adam, kicking the door closed with the heel of his foot. He let out a heavy sigh, walking to his bed and dropping his guitar case on top of it. He dropped his messenger bag on the floor and walked towards the opened bathroom, leaning against the doorway, watching as Adam methodically removed his make up.

 

Adam met his eyes in the mirror and smiled. “Hey.”

 

“Want some company?” Kris said, tiredly.

 

“Yeah, come in and have a seat,” Adam said, his voice low and affectionate. “How was sound check?”

 

Kris dropped the lid on the toilet and sat down heavily, rubbing his face with his hands. “I’m so freaking tired, dude.”

 

“That bad, huh?” Adam turned to look at him, sharing a smile of understanding.

 

“Mmm,” he murmured, feeling restless and dizzy and exhausted. He got to his feet and walked closer to the counter, leaning his hip against it as he watched Adam moving the damp cotton ball over his eyelids, wiping away the last traces of his dark eyeliner.

 

Kris glanced down at the counter, amazed that Adam was such a neat freak. He had a dozen different things, stuff Kris wouldn’t be able to say what it was for, all neatly lined up on one side of the double sink counter. Kris had like four things on the other side of the sink and he grinned to himself, seeing his things lined up in a neat row, too. They were both pretty compulsive when it came to being neat and orderly with their belongings.   

 

“What’s that smile for?” Adam said, coyly.

 

He chuckled. “Just thinking how we’re a lot alike.” He motioned to their stuff and Adam let out a deep laugh.

 

Adam dropped the used cotton ball into the small trash can by the sink and picked up a new one, dabbing some clear liquid from one of his many pastel colored bottles to wet the ball, smiling as he wiped it slowly across his other eyelid.

 

“You like watching me.”

 

Kris smiled, blushing slightly. “If it bothers—“

 

“You know it doesn’t.” He winked at Kris through the mirror. “You know I like being watched.” _By you_ , was the unspoken ending to that sentence.

 

He watched as Adam’s long fingers moved confidently around his eyes, gentle and firm at the same time. He fluttered his eyelids, looking at his reflection, checking to see if he got all the make up off. He dropped the cotton ball into the trash and flicked his eyes towards Kris.

 

“Want to help me take off my foundation?”

 

Kris inhaled sharply and swallowed. He lowered his chin and looked up at Adam, meeting his eyes in the mirror. He bit his lip and nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

 

“Come here,” Adam said, turning so that he was leaning against the edge of the sink. He parted his legs and pulled Kris closer so that he was pressed up right against Adam, the heat and strength of his body making Kris a little dizzy. “Get the cotton ball wet and just go in small sections until all the make up is off.”

 

Kris picked up a fluffy new cotton ball and the bottle of make up remover that Adam was using to get it wet. He concentrated to make sure that he had the right amount – not too dry but not too wet – and he tilted Adam’s face to the side, putting the cotton ball at the top edge of his jaw and using a gentle sweeping motion, dragged the cotton ball down his face. He could see the clean trail of freckled skin underneath the make up and Kris stuck out the tip of his tongue, focused completely on uncovering all of Adam’s freckles.

 

Over and over again, he tossed the cotton ball and retrieved a new one, wetting it, and working his way across Adam’s face – his cheeks, his jaw, his chin, his neck, his forehead, down the bridge of his nose – and Adam let him; let him do whatever he wanted, taking his time and going back again and again, even when Adam’s face was completely clean of make up.

 

Kris noticed so many new things about Adam – something new every day – and he was really liking who and what he was seeing. There was some kind of spirit in Adam that was elusive but attractive – tantalizing – and Kris couldn’t really put his finger on it. When the fans started to notice their friendship and their closeness on the show, Kris found himself getting asked about Adam, not just by interviewers but from the other contestants, the producers, his family and friends. He wished he could’ve said the things that he really wanted to, but he kept to the basics: _Adam’s talented, he’s a good friend, we have a lot in common, he really helps me and keeps me grounded when I start to get anxious, he supports me and wants to see me succeed._ It was like Kris was keeping a secret he didn’t know he had to keep. 

 

He wasn’t the only one keeping a secret. Adam had his secret, too – oh, sure, he was more than open about his life and his friends and his musical interests. He kept the others in the Idol Mansion – except for Kris and Allison – at a distance. Nothing that anyone would notice because Adam was warm and friendly and caring; Adam was genuine, but Kris knew he was hiding something.

 

At first, he thought Adam was just trying to protect himself from being in the public eye; that of all the people in the house, Adam was the center of “political” controversy.

 

But Adam wasn’t bothered by any of that. It wasn’t even a blip on his radar.

 

So Kris kept watching and looking and observing.

 

_One night, during top five week, Kris was trying to deal with the stress of the competition and he wasn’t able to sleep. He woke up and was surprised to see that Adam wasn’t in bed. It looked like Adam had gotten up, threw back the blankets – but it looked staged. After living with someone for weeks, Kris knew all of Adam’s habits; but this looked like Adam wanted anyone who checked like he had just gotten up for something._

_Kris wandered downstairs to the kitchen, the media room, the bowling alley, the pool, the movie room – but Adam wasn’t actually in the house. Kris could sense it. A couple of the house security guards asked if Kris needed anything, but he reassured them that he was just feeling restless and didn’t ask them about Adam._

_He tossed and turned the rest of the night and finally heard Adam come in from the balcony after climbing up the side trellis. He pretended to be asleep as Adam slipped quietly into the room, undressing quickly and going into the bathroom. He didn’t turn on the lights and Kris heard the water running in the sink for a few seconds. Adam came back into the bedroom and stopped beside Kris’s bed for a long moment. Kris kept his breath steady and even and slow. He was freaked out, his skin prickling and his hair standing up, his instincts telling him to run – but why would he run from Adam?_

_After a moment, he heard Adam sigh and turn, heading for his bed. He heard the bed creak a little and Adam settling in, snuggling under the covers._

_“I know you’re awake,” Adam murmured, softly._

_Kris opened his eyes and lifted his head from the pillow. “Dude, where did you go? You’re so going to get caught if you sneak out clubbing.”_

_“I never get caught,” he said, keeping his voice neutral. “I hate being bored.” He chuckled softly. “Being bored brings out the monster in me so I have to go out and work it off.”_

_Kris snickered, letting out a soft laugh. “I didn’t know that trying to get a music career started on a reality show would be so boring for you.”_

_Adam turned his head on the pillow and looked at Kris, but he didn’t say anything._

_“Well, try to get some sleep. We have to be up in three hours,” he said, getting comfortable under the covers and letting out a relieved sigh. “How did you get past the security guards and the gate?”_

_Adam let out a chuckle. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”_

 

Kris finished sweeping the cotton ball over Adam’s lip, seeing the freckle reveal itself. He sighed and leaned back, looking up to meet Adam’s eyes. “All done.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.” He tossed the used cotton ball into the trash can and then faced Adam again, looking at him closely. “There’s something about you…”

 

“Yes?” Adam said, quirking one of his finely arched eyebrows.

 

Kris blushed. “I don’t know what to call it but…there’s just something.”

 

“Is that good or bad?”

 

“It’s good,” he said, quickly, reassuringly. “Just that…I can’t figure you out. I mean, I feel like I’ve gotten to know you pretty good, right? But then, I watch at you and there’s this look you have…like this is…like it’s just a show and you work hard to make the show look good and normal and…” Kris sighed, feeling stupid. “All I’m saying is that I’m not afraid…you don’t have to keep hiding whatever it’s you’re hiding from me.”

 

Adam stared at him for a long time, his blue eyes narrowing slightly as he looked at Kris. Kris didn’t understand what that look meant – but it was exactly what he was talking about; that look – that was the _real_ Adam Lambert looking back out at him: guarded, calculating, purposeful.

 

He jumped when Adam placed his large hands on his hips, squeezing tightly for just a moment. “That’s very perceptive of you, Kristopher; maybe one day, I’ll share my secrets with you.”

 

Kris whispered, “I’d like that.”

 

Adam smiled. “Would you?”

 

He stared into Adam’s eyes and nodded slowly, licking his lips. “Yes.”

 

***

 

**August 4, 2009**

**Washington, DC**

 

 

“Where’s Adam?” Kris said, looking around the bus.

 

“He said something about meeting us at the hotel later tonight,” Matt said, frowning slightly. He tossed a bright yellow and blue hacky sack ball across the short distance of the bus to Anoop who caught it one handed. “He seemed kind of pissed off.”

 

Anoop nodded, looking at Kris over the rim of his glasses, tossing the ball back to Matt. “Agitated about something.”

 

Kris pulled out his iPhone and scrolled down to find Adam’s number. He sent a quick text: _Hey, you all right?_

 

A moment later, Adam sent a reply: _Everything is fine. See you at the hotel in a few hours. Checking out the nightlife._

 

Kris smiled, relieved. “He’s just out clubbing, guys. You know he likes to burn off steam.”

 

“Don’t you think it’s weird that he doesn’t ask us to go to clubs with him?”

 

“Yeah, I guess so, but…” Kris trailed off, not having anything more to say about that. “Maybe he doesn’t think we can handle going to a gay club or something.”

 

“Nah, Adam wouldn’t care if the club was gay or not,” Anoop said, tossing the ball into the air and catching it. “He told me once that he liked going to non-gay specific clubs so that he could just dance and be fabulous.”

 

Matt turned to look at him. “Has he been acting a little _off_ to you?”

 

“No, why? Like how?” He said, his eyes widening. He looked over at Anoop who was staring back at him. “Come on, what?”

 

Scott raised his chin, his fingers pausing over the pages of his book. “There’s a different tone to Adam’s voice when he’s hanging out with us. I can’t really explain it, but it just sounds like he’s very…”

 

“Angry? Upset? What?” Kris said, annoyed.

 

“Indifferent,” Scott murmured, turning his head to the side, his fingers moving steadily on the page again, lost in his reading.

 

Kris felt the hairs on the back of his neck rising. He frowned at them, crossing his arms across his chest. “There’s nothing _wrong_ with Adam, quit trying to look for something that’s not there. It’s not fair to him for _us_ to become the enemy.”

 

“Enemy? Whoa, whoa, hey, come on now,” Anoop said, holding up his hands.

  
“What the fuck, Kris?” Matt said, angrily. “We’re his friends, too. You’re not the only one entitled to Adam’s friendship.”

 

Kris gritted his teeth, forcing back his unsettling feelings. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, feeling ashamed at his outburst. “Sorry, man, it’s just…I’m so tired of everyone talking about him like he’s different or something.”

 

The ride to the hotel was still a little tense, everyone talking quietly and keeping to neutral topics. They had a free day in the city and were talking about checking out museums or finding an interesting restaurant or doing some shopping with their wardrobe stipend. Kris stared out the window, looking at the dark streets, wondering what Adam was doing out there alone. He did think it was odd that Adam never invited any of them to go out with him; Adam had to know that they’d happily join him and party their stress away. None of them cared if it was to a gay club; they would jump at the chance to party with Adam, drawn to his sense of fun and play, but Adam always snuck off alone, ditching his security and the Idol handlers. Kris didn’t know how he did it – and got away with doing it. Maybe Adam had better developed street smarts than the rest of them combined. He grinned slightly, tracing his fingers against the glass, thinking that was a rather rock star like skill.

 

***

 

He was flipping through the hotel’s cable channels listlessly, leaning back against three fluffy pillows propped behind him, when he heard the faint buzz of the door unlocking. He turned his head to see Adam saunter in, filling the room with the smell of cigarette smoke, cologne, alcohol, and sex.

 

“Awww, baby, waiting up for me?” Adam said, shucking off his leather jacket and tossing it on an armchair. “It’s been years since anyone waited up for me, it’s sweet.”

 

“How come you never ask us to go out with you?”

 

Adam sat down at the end of his bed, unzipping his boots and kicking them off. He pressed his lips together and raised his eyebrows, looking at Kris. “I guess I didn’t think you’d all want to go out to the places that I like to go out to.”

 

“That’s bullshit,” he complained, making a face. “You just totally lied to me, man.”

 

 He watched as Adam exhaled deeply, hands curled around the top of his knees. Adam turned on the bed and leaned down to his side, facing Kris.

 

“What pisses you off more: that you think I’m lying or that I didn’t ask you to come out with me?”

 

Kris snorted, glaring at him. “The lying.”

 

“I just wanted to get laid and I didn’t want to have all of you watching my every move,” he said, giving Kris his best shit-eating grin.

 

“Fucker,” he muttered, trying to fight the smile that curved his lips. They looked at each other and started to laugh. “Sorry, man, I don’t mean to get into your business or anything.”

 

“It’s all right, baby.”

 

Adam smiled, eyes crinkling at the edges. His make-up was smeared and Kris took a moment to look him over to make sure he was okay. He noticed a dark reddish brown stain on Adam’s gray tee-shirt, right at the shoulder.

 

“Hey, what’s that?”

 

“What?”

 

“Your shirt,” he said, sitting up and squinting behind his glasses. “You got something on it. Looks like dried blood.”

 

Kris frowned, worried; if that was blood, did Adam get hurt? And by the size of the stain, that was a lot of blood.

 

“Did something happen? Did you get into a fight?”

 

Adam tugged at his shirt and looked at the stain and made a disgusted sigh. “Damn it, I loved this shirt. I think it’s ketchup.” He rolled his eyes and gave Kris a look. “Don’t tell my trainer that I had fries tonight.”

 

Kris stared as Adam stroked his finger over the stain and then got off the bed, heading for the bathroom with a small, secret smile on his lips. Kris waited silently as the bathroom door closed, the water starting in the shower. He let out the breath that he didn’t know he was holding, trembling a little, and fell back against the pillows, biting his lip.

 

He wanted to believe Adam, he did. There was no reason for Adam to lie, but he did. After spending so many months with Adam in close quarters, Kris could read him better now, could see through the cracks and see the lies that Adam told. _To everyone_. Kris never called him on them because…what would he say? For the most part, they were harmless, just lies to media; but Adam would tell lies to their friends, too, and that’s when Kris started to realize that Adam was always lying.

 

But why?

 

***

 

**August 11, 2009**

**Uniondale, New York**

 

 

Kris recognized the restlessness in Adam right away. He wondered why no one else saw it, the strain in Adam’s blue eyes and the tension in his neck. He watched as Adam laughed, throwing back his head, arms curled around Matt’s and Allison’s shoulders. A part of Kris wanted to drag Allison away, tuck her behind him and…and what? That didn’t make any sense. Adam would never hurt her; he treated her with gentleness and affection. Adam never talked down to Allison, despite their age difference, and Kris had overheard enough conversations between the two of them to know that Adam didn’t just love her like a sister, but respected her as an artist.

 

He knew that Adam would ditch them tonight and disappear to somewhere in the city. It had been a week since the last time Adam snuck off alone so Kris knew that the restlessness was a sign that Adam needed to get away.

 

Kris moved unobtrusively to the walls and kept out of the way, allowing everyone around him to be distracted, while he kept an eye on Adam. Where Kris used his size to slip under the radar, Adam used his confidence to…disappear in plain sight of everyone. A few murmured words in a security guard’s ear, a little misdirection with the PR woman, and Adam slipped away from the Idol entourage, ducking his head and shoulders as he made his way across the hotel lobby to the doors. Kris pushed off the wall and moved past, following Adam through the lobby doors to see Adam get into the first taxi idling on the curb.

 

He jumped into the nearest taxi and pulled out his wallet. “Please, can you follow that taxi that just pulled out?”

 

The driver chuckled. “First time anyone’s asked me to do that, but all right, I’m game.”

 

The car moved steadily along the street, following the taxi just ahead of them. Kris kept his hand clenched around the headrest of the passenger seat in front of him, keeping his eyes on the taxi. He could see the back of Adam’s head outlined in the headlights passing them and he bit his lip, his heart slamming in his chest.

 

“Looks like they’re stopping in front of that club,” the driver said, slowing down a few car lengths behind.

 

Kris ducked down a little and watched as Adam went into a small bar called East/West. He pulled out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to the driver. “Thanks, man, keep the change.”

 

He didn’t wait for the driver to say anything, running out of the taxi and walking up to the bar. He looked in through the front windows and saw that it was fairly small inside, crowded with mostly men and a few women, and he saw Adam standing at the bar. It wasn’t very long when a handsome young man made his way to Adam, putting his hand on Adam’s arm, gaining his attention.

 

Adam smiled at the man and from the distance, Kris could feel the force of Adam’s smile and charm, the other man staring up at him widely, eating Adam up with his eyes. He watched as they spoke, as Adam sipped on his drink while keeping his attention totally on the other man, leaning down to say something to the man.

 

Kris tucked his hands into his pockets, ignoring the curious looks he was getting from the people inside. He was relieved when he saw Adam laughing and leaning close to the other man. Adam was telling the truth when he said that he just wanted to blow off steam, that he didn’t want the eyes of their friends on him as he prowled for a hook up.

 

He watched as Adam placed his hand on the man’s lower back, smirking as he said something that made the other man lick his lips and nod fervently. He took Adam’s hand and led him towards the back of the bar, through the crowd as people’s heads turned to watch Adam go.

 

Kris sighed, turning to lean against the brick wall. He felt like a complete asshole, spying on his best friend – and for what reason? Kris could admit that he wasn’t an analytical guy; he was exactly what everyone said that he was – down to earth, modest, self-effacing, honest, and kind. He wasn’t perfect, obviously, but he did try his best to be a good person. He had plenty of faults – he procrastinated, he didn’t always say what was on his mind, he kept his real anger quietly inside, he was jealous…he was _jealous_?

 

God help him, was he jealous of _Adam_? Was that why he had made up this stupid plan to follow Adam to a bar? In all the weeks on the show, Kris hadn’t felt jealous of Adam’s talents; he felt a sort of pride when he helped Adam find an arrangement to his songs or when he gave Adam feedback on his performance and Adam thanked him and made adjustments.

 

No, he wasn’t jealous of Adam; neither of them begrudged their successes. It had to be something else.

 

Kris sighed, not allowing himself the luxury of wishful thinking. Adam was his best friend; no one in his life knew what it was like to go through the experience of Idol and Kris didn’t always share when he was asked. He felt it was too personal to let anyone in, preferring to keep the things that he and Adam went through private.

 

Secrets…they both had secrets.

 

He pulled out his iPhone and checked the time. Adam had been in the bar for about half an hour. Kris turned to look through the window one more time before he waved down a taxi to return to the hotel. He didn’t want to be caught because how could he explain what he was doing there in the first place?

 

Kris peered into the bar but didn’t see Adam anywhere. Frowning, he walked to the other window and looked in, but Adam wasn’t there. Did something happen to him? Did that other guy hurt Adam? In the back of his mind, Kris was always afraid that something bad would happen to Adam because he was so noticeable in a crowd. Of all the Idols, Adam was easily recognizable, and Kris made him promise to stay close to the security teams. During the tour, they had come across enough homophobic protestors to make Kris worry for Adam’s safety.

 

Fearing the worst, Kris pushed open the door and walked into the bar, looking at every person. He walked to the bar and stood up on the stool step, looking over the crowded space. Adam wasn’t there.

 

His hand clutching his iPhone as he moved through the throng of people to the back of the bar and walked past the line of people at the restrooms, ignoring their complaints as he made his way in. He didn’t see Adam; he looked under the stalls for Adam’s familiar studded black boots. And while he did see a number of pairs of shoes, none of them belonged to Adam.

 

Kris stumbled out of the men’s room and looked at the people leaning against the wall, watching him. “Did you guys see a really good looking tall guy with black hair come through here?”

 

“Hey, aren’t you Kris Allen?”

 

Kris gave a fake smile. “Uh, who?”  
 

“I think I saw a guy like that go out the back door to the alley,” one of the women said, pointing to the door at the end of the hall.

 

“Thank you,” he murmured, walking to the door and pushing it open. He stepped out into the quiet and narrow alley, looking from one end to the other, but Adam wasn’t there. No one was. Kris sighed and felt stupid; Adam probably got his hook up, walked out the back, and was at the hotel.

 

He turned on his phone and sent Adam a quick text: _Where are you?_

 

A moment later, he received a response: _Out walking. Heading to hotel now._

 

Kris let out a breath in relief, feeling his heart beat slowing down and the tension in his stomach unclenching. He tucked his phone into his pocket and started walking past the dumpsters to the main street, slapping his head with his hands. _Stupid, so freaking stupid, Kristopher!_ He was seriously so completely and utterly stupid. One day, many years from now when they were old men, he would tell Adam what he did tonight and they would laugh their asses off over it. He chuckled to himself and shoved his hands into his pockets when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned and took a quick glance and nearly tripped.

 

It was a young man, slumped against the brick wall. He looked like someone who had a bad night, drunkenly passing out on the street.

 

Kris thought it wasn’t any of his business and took a step forward, but stopped and turned to the unconscious man. What if he was hurt? What kind of a person was Kris to just walk away without checking to see that he was all right? Maybe get him into a taxi and get him on his way home?

 

“Hey, man, you all right?” He called, stepping closer. Kris winced from the smell – urine and shit and…maybe the guy had gone to the bathroom in his pants. “Hey.”

 

He took another step closer and looked at the man’s face. He gasped when he recognized it as Adam’s hook up. Kris put his hand on the man’s shoulder, shaking him slightly.

 

“Come on, this isn’t a good spot to pass out…ohmygod.”

 

He watched in horror as the man’s head lolled to the side. Kris could smell the blood now, the front of the man’s shirt soaked with blood.

 

“Shit,” he hissed, stepping back, fumbling in his pocket for his phone. He pressed his hand against his mouth as he dialed 9-1-1 and then coughed, clearing his throat when the emergency operator answered the call.

 

“Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?”

 

“Hi, um, I’m standing in the alley behind a bar called East/West. I don’t know the street name – let me see if there’s a sign or something –“

 

“We can find it on the map, sir. Please state your emergency.”

 

“There’s a man here and…and he’s dead. I think he’s been stabbed in the stomach. Ohmygod, I thought he was just passed out and I tried to wake him up but…I think he’s dead.”

 

“Sir, we’re having emergency services sent out to your location right now. Would you remain at the scene to make a statement?”

 

“Yes. Yeah.”

 

“Could you tell me your name, sir?”

 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “My name is Kristopher Allen.”

 

“Thank you, Mr. Allen, please stay right there. Emergency services are routed to your location at the East/West bar.”

 

“Okay, thank you,” he whispered, staring at the dull, blank face of the young man who had, just a little while ago, flirted and smiled and looked up at Adam like he was a god – oh shit.

 

_Adam_ …Adam was okay; he had sent back a text. But what if… _what if_ someone killed Adam, too, or took him, and he wasn’t the one who responded to Kris’s text? He hurried thumbed his contacts for Adam’s number and called him, holding his breath and clenching his hands as the line connected and rang.

 

“Please, please, please,” Kris whispered, closing his eyes.

 

He could hear sirens in the distance.

 

“Kristopher, checking up on me?” Adam said, brightly.

 

“Adam! Thank God!” Kris shouted, his lungs emptying sharply. His knees went weak with relief and he swallowed past the tightness in his throat. “Oh, thank God.”

 

“Kris? What’s wrong, baby?”

 

“Nothing – I’m fine. Are you okay?”

 

Adam chuckled softly and the sound warmed Kris. “Yes, I’m walking into the hotel lobby right now. Shit, Kris, don’t scare me like that, but seriously, what’s wrong? You sound freaked out.”

 

“No. I mean, I am, but – nevermind. Um. I’m – I’m not in our room so…don’t freak out.”

 

“ _Ohhhhhh_?” He teased, chuckling again. “Don’t tell me that _you_ snuck out for a little fun. Who’re you with?”

 

Kris leaned his shoulder against the wall. “No, not – not for what you’re thinking. I’ll explain later, I promise. Just…don’t leave our room, okay?”

 

“Seriously, baby, your over protectiveness is kinda hot, but I am a big boy,” he said, his voice full of innuendo.

 

He tried to laugh with him but it came out reedy and weak. “I – I’ll see you in a little bit.”

 

“So mysterious, but all right, I’ll play along. See you later.”

 

Kris ended the call and stood at the end of the alleyway, waving his hand to the police car. An ambulance followed behind, red lights flashing everywhere. He was going to have to think of something…call the Idol entourage and explain what he was doing out at East/West without letting anyone know. No one ever kept track of him because they all knew he was always where he was expected to be – bus, venue, hotel room – but after this, it was going to be a nightmare.

 

As the police officers and EMT approached, Kris took a deep breath and steeled himself to what would happen next.

 

***

 

It was a complete circus; after he made his statement to the police, Kris was picked up by one of the Idol entourage lawyers.

 

“What did you tell them?”

 

Kris gave a half shrug. “Just that I came out to the bar and snuck out the back when I got recognized and found the man in the alley.”

 

The lawyer stared at him for a long moment and Kris resolutely held his gaze. “Is that all? Anything else I need to know?”

 

“That’s pretty much it.”

 

“Don’t say anything else until we get to the hotel and it gets cleared by the crisis management team,” the lawyer told him, narrowing his eyes.

 

The lawyer made it very clear to the officers on the scene that this information was not to be released to the media and spouted enough legalese to bully the police officers into silence. Since the media hadn’t known that Kris was involved and didn’t link him to Graham Kirk’s alleged murder – that was the name of the young man, Kris later learned from the lawyer – the Idol crisis management team was able to keep Kris’s name out of the news.

 

He was shuttled to a different hotel where Kris spoke privately with the crisis management team and the legion of intimidating Los Angeles lawyers via speaker phone. The PR team took Kris’s iPhone and managed every detail of the next ten hours of Kris’s life in complete secrecy. He couldn’t call anyone; he couldn’t leave the hotel room. He had security inside and outside of the hotel suite. Kris asked for his guitar so that he could practice his music to keep his mind off of what happened. One of the Idol entourage asked if he wanted to speak to a counselor, but Kris shook his head and said that he was fine and he could deal with it. He was afraid of what the counselor would ask and Kris wasn’t ready to tell anyone the whole story. He was afraid that his statement was so full of holes that the police would bring him in to be questioned.

 

How could he tell them what was really on his mind? That he saw Adam hook up with Graham at the bar, that he saw them walking to the back together, that Adam was the last one to see the young man alive.

 

_That Kris suspected Adam might have had something to do with Graham’s death._

 

What proof did Kris have? He bit his lip and tugged at his hair. How could he even _accuse_ Adam of such a thing? Kris _knew_ him better than most people. Adam, who didn’t get angry when the media crucified him for being gay; Adam, who would laugh and tease Kris when he praised Adam for being so slow to anger and letting the hate go; Adam, who cried during “The Notebook” and who was so vulnerable on the show. He wasn’t a cold blooded killer.

 

They told him that he would meet the others at the venue for their second night performance at Nassau Coliseum, surrounded by security and members of the Idol entourage. He wasn’t allowed to speak to any of his friends – he saw Adam’s worried expression and watched as one of the security guards escorted Allison away from Kris when she tried to dash across to him – and Kris was kept separated from everyone until it was time for him to perform on stage.

 

Any media that night was cancelled and Kris was told to keep quiet until the lawyers could discuss what to do in case he was linked to finding the dead man behind the bar. A _gay_ bar. No one outright asked him why he was there; and the PR team created a plausible sounding story in case there was a leak.

 

Kris got his iPhone back and got back on the bus with the guys at a rest stop. It was nearly two in the morning and he hoped that everyone was sleeping. His things were packed and waiting for him on his bunk – it was probably Adam who did it – and Kris fell on his mattress, covering his face with his arm.

 

“Hey,” Adam called softly, leaning over the top bunk to look down at him. “What’s going on?”

 

He pulled his arm down and tilted his head on the pillow to look up at Adam. “Can’t talk about it.”

 

“Are you all right? Does this have anything to do with what got you so freaked out last night?”

 

“Yeah,” he said, biting his lip and staring at the low ceiling over his bunk. “I really can’t talk about it.”

 

Adam sighed and climbed down. He was wearing his flannel sleep pants and a loose tee-shirt. “Shove over.”

 

Kris grinned as he scooted to the bunk wall, leaving Adam plenty of room to sit down, closing the privacy curtain. He placed his hand on Kris’s knee, squeezing gently. Adam’s face was clean of make-up, his eyes looked worried in the warm light of the bunk.

 

“Where did you go last night?”

 

He shook his head. “I can’t say anything. Please don’t ask me.”

 

“It’s not like you to ditch everyone,” Adam said, softly. “You didn’t tell anyone that you went out. And when you didn’t show up at the room, I was worried and I called Lydia to let them know that you hadn’t come back yet – did I get you into serious trouble?”

 

Kris looked at Adam, surprised. “No, it wasn’t you. I…you didn’t get me into trouble. It’s okay.”

 

They stared at each other for a long moment and Kris wondered what Adam was thinking. He couldn’t read the expression on Adam’s face; didn’t understand what he was seeing. Kris reached out and placed his hand over Adam’s and gripped him tight.

 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Kris whispered, watching his eyes.

 

Adam turned his hand and squeezed back. “I’m glad you’re okay, too.”

 

Kris knew that they were both hiding something. When Kris was giving his statement to the police, to the lawyers, to the crisis management team, to the PR team, he never once mentioned Adam’s name; he never told them that he had followed Adam to the bar; he never said that he saw Adam with the young man before Kris found him in the alley. He didn’t tell; and he wondered, for just a moment, if he made a mistake. What if Adam knew or saw something that would help in the investigation? What if Adam was a key witness? What if Adam could help bring justice for Graham’s death?

 

_What if Adam killed him,_ Kris’s conscience insisted.

 

So many secrets.

 

But Kris was good at keeping secrets, too. He didn’t want to risk that he was wrong; that Adam was innocent and Graham’s death was an unfortunate coincidence. 

 

“I’m really tired,” he said, closing his eyes.

 

“Okay, good night, Kristopher,” Adam murmured, patting his leg.

 

“Night.”

 

Kris felt the mattress shift and the curtains pull back as Adam got out of the bunk. He heard the curtain close gently and heard Adam climb up to the top bunk, settling in above him. Kris opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling of his bunk.

 

_What was Adam hiding?_

 

And did Kris really want to know?

 

*****

 

**August 20, 2009**

**Philadelphia**

 

Kris noticed that Adam didn’t sneak away since that night in Uniondale, but that could be due to the new restrictions put on the entire group. No one said why, but it was very clear that the Idol entourage had beefed up their security and everyone was given a security escort everywhere they went. Kris overheard Scott and Anoop speculating about a possible kidnapping or some other kind of danger. Danny and Michael assumed that a “certain person” was going out to clubs and was damaging their reputations. Matt told them to “shut the fuck up” and Kris watched as Adam pressed his lips together, going back to his bunk.

 

He got up and followed Adam, finding him sitting on Kris’s bottom bunk, feet propped up as he read a book.

 

“Hey, just ignore them, they’re stupid.”

 

Adam smiled at him and tucked his feet in so that Kris could sit down at the other end. “I really don’t care what they think of me.”

 

“I wanted to tell them to shut up, to tell them that it was because of me, but I’m not allowed to talk about what happened,” he said, softly. “I’m sorry that you’re getting the brunt of it.”

 

“One day, I hope you’ll trust me enough to tell me what happened in Uniondale.”

 

Kris sighed and leaned his head back against the bunk wall. “Maybe one day you’ll tell me, too.”

 

They stared at each other in silence and Kris watched as Adam’s blue eyes narrowed and the corner of Adam’s lips curled into a tiny smirk. Kris knew that look; that was the real Adam, the façade of Adam slipping away for a moment.

 

*****

 

**August 22, 2009**

**Pittsburgh**

 

 

Kris walked into his hotel room to hear Adam shouting at their Idol handler, Lydia, in their room.

 

“—don’t fucking care, I’m going out tonight! I don’t need to take babysitters with me so they can watch my back while I’m getting laid,” Adam said, crudely.

 

They turned when the door closed and saw Kris standing in the room.

 

“Sorry, am I interrupting? I could go out for—“

 

Adam rolled his eyes. “It’s okay, come in.”

 

“Adam, you know you can’t just leave without having a security escort. No one is saying that you can’t go out, but you can’t go out _alone_.”

 

Adam sat down on the bed and gave Lydia a derisive look. “I won’t be alone, trust me.”

 

Kris dropped his bag on his bed and walked into the bathroom, closing the door to give them some privacy. He washed his face and stared at his reflection in the mirror as he dried his face slowly. He could hear Adam’s voice tense and angry, Lydia trying to be soothing and reasonable.

 

“Fine, fuck it, I’ll stay in,” Adam said, roughly.

 

He opened the door and said good night to Lydia as she left their hotel room. Adam fell back on the bed and groaned.

 

“This sucks.”

 

Kris sighed, sitting down on his bed, looking at the tense lines of Adam’s body. “Sorry, man.”

 

Adam laughed, turning his head to look at him. “Sorry that I’m not getting laid in a gay friendly city? Thanks, Kris.”

 

“You can, uh, take care of business, you know. I can step out for a little while, go chill out with Matt and Anoop or something.”

 

He watched as Adam got off the bed, pacing the room restlessly, his energy was tense and ugly.

 

“I need to get out,” Adam growled, hands clenched against his legs. “I’m just getting cabin fever and I – I need to work off my stress and my energy and…fuck. I need to fuck!”

 

Kris slowly kicked off his shoes, staring at his socks. “You don’t have to leave the room if you…you want that.”

 

Adam stopped pacing, but he didn’t say anything. Kris felt his face heat up; he couldn’t look up at Adam, too afraid of what he’d see on Adam’s face.

 

“Huh…I didn’t see that coming,” Adam murmured, chuckling throatily. “Oh God, Kris, you don’t know…you don’t have a fucking clue, do you?”

 

Kris jerked his chin up and glared at him. “I know more than you think.”

 

“Really now?” Adam drawled, walking slowly towards him so that he was standing in front of Kris, kicking his feet apart so that he could step even closer, standing between Kris’s spread thighs. Kris stared up at him, watching the way that Adam’s eyes focused on him, intense and frightening. He reached out and stroked his hand over Kris’s head, warm fingers trailing down his cheek to stroke his neck. “Kris, if you only knew what I want to do to you. You’d run screaming from this room if you knew.”

 

He swallowed, trembling. “I’m not afraid of you.”

 

Adam moved his hand to the back of Kris’s head, grabbing a handful of his hair and jerking his head back. Kris moaned, mouth opening on a gasp as he stared up at Adam.

 

“I know you,” he whispered, swallowing. “I _know_ , Adam.”

 

“What do you know, baby?” Adam crooned softly, smiling down at him.

 

“I know…about…East/West in Uniondale.”

 

Adam’s grip tightened on his hair, jerking his head back harder. “Tell me.”

 

“I know about Graham.”

 

He watched as Adam smiled, his eyes gleeful. “Mmmm…that’s _very_ interesting, Kristopher, that you know that pretty boy’s name.”

 

Kris licked his lips. “I know it was _you_.”

 

And then Adam kissed him, slamming his mouth down hard against Kris, his tongue forcing his way in to lick and taste and _take_ what he wanted. Kris grabbed Adam’s shoulders and moaned when Adam pushed him down on the mattress, holding him down with his weight, the hand in his hair pulling sharply so that Kris groaned, his head tilting back to an angle that gave Adam all the power.

 

He licked across Kris’s lips and lifted his face away, staring into his eyes. Kris didn’t see any fear or doubt or remorse in Adam’s blue eyes, nearly black with the way that the pupils had dilated. He could feel Adam hard against his thigh and Kris panted, his own cock hard under Adam’s belly.

 

“No more secrets,” Kris whispered, running his hand through Adam’s thick hair.

 

Adam smiled, but it looked wrong on his face. There was a different quality to it, still beautiful but just a little cruel. He twisted his hand in Kris’s hair, jerking Kris’s head to the side. Kris whimpered and closed his eyes, biting his lip. That had meant to hurt. He felt Adam’s wet lips against his ear, playful tongue coming out to lick and suck and tease.

 

“Well then,” Adam murmured, pressing a gentle kiss against Kris’s neck. “We’re just going to have to make new secrets, just between us, aren’t we, baby?”

 

TBC…


End file.
